Trump Claims Ketchup Would Never Have Hit Wall if Giuliani Had Not Ducked

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Disputing Cassidy Hutchinson’s testimony before the January 6th committee, Donald J. Trump claimed that ketchup would never have wound up dripping down the Oval Office wall if Rudy Giuliani had not ducked. “Lyin’ Cassidy said that I threw my lunch at the wall,” Trump wrote on his social network, Truth Social. “I … Read more

Women Declare Themselves Corporations to Force Supreme Court to Grant Them Rights as People

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Millions of American women and girls have declared themselves corporations in order to force the United States Supreme Court to grant them rights as people, legal observers have reported. Attorneys across the nation indicated that they have been swamped by requests from clients seeking to incorporate as soon as possible. “The Supreme … Read more

Missed Connections at the Capitol

Craigslist, Washington, D.C. Funky orange capI saw you walking from the speech to the Capitol. You were wearing a tactical vest and funky little orange cap. You were screaming something about being a patriot. Our eyes met, and we spoke briefly and realized we were both interested in travel and in scary movies. You were … Read more

Meet the Only Sustainable Clothing Company That Upcycles Your Old Clothes and Sells Them Back to You

Introducing YourGarment®, a sustainable clothing company that operates on the principle of E.F.W.B. Scroll through to explore our process for upcycling your clothes into YourGarment®, and start your journey toward #BuyingYourClothesBack. Step one: Your wardrobe begins transforming into YourGarment® the moment you pack your gently worn clothes into our branded, microchipped bags and #DumpThemInALandfill. Step … Read more