Ever hear of being foiled by a cop-leg left?
A 44-year-old woman in a golf cart drove through a police barricade set up for a street art show in Naples, Florida, running over the foot of a police lieutenant, because it was “the only way to get to the parking garage.”
She failed a field sobriety test, WBBH-TV reported, and is facing a DUI charge.
• At Fark.com: “The NBA has instructed the Sacramento Kings that they can’t play ‘Cold As Ice’ as a means of taunting Russell Westbrook. Man, what a foreign concept.”
• At TheOnion.com: “PGA golfer hoping to hit the office if round finishes early/”
Paging Richard Simmons
Personal trainer Fitzroy Gaynes, 64, sued the London health club where he worked for age discrimination because they refused to play music more than 1½ years old.
Guess they’re not big fans of “Sweatin’ to the Oldies.”
Vax all, folks
Unvaxxed Novak Djovokic’s bid to play in the Australian Open suffered a major blow when his visa was canceled for a second time, this time by Australian immigration minister Alex Hawke.
(Readers: Insert your own double-fault punchline here.)
Fake News Dept.
WWE Hall of Famer Sunny, 49, was arrested in Keansburg, New Jersey, for allegedly unlawfully possessing a weapon and making terroristic threats, TMZ reported.
Luckily, she escaped the more serious charges of hair-pulling and hiding a foreign object.
Alabama is the 5-2 favorite to win the college football championship next season in Caesars Sportsbook’s odds, despite its title-game loss to Georgia.
Caesars give no odds, however, of the Pac-12 winning a bowl game for the first time since forever.
Good rate of return
Three Pennsylvania bettors plunked down 50 cents in a six-leg parlay, correctly guessing that six players — including the Lakers’ LeBron James — each would be the first to score a basket in their NBA game Wednesday night, earning them each a $130,284 return.
Put that in your 401(k) pipe and smoke it.
OK, 13, excluding Vandy
Expand the College Football Playoff? We already have a 14-team tournament.
It’s called the Southeastern Conference.
Lather, rinse, repeat
“Browns ‘fully expect’ Baker Mayfield to be starting QB, rebound in 2022” reads the headline at ESPN.com.
Sounds like they’re celebrating Groundhog Day a little early in Cleveland this year.
Talking the talk
• Mark Whicker of The Orange County Register, via Twitter’ on Baylor getting good in football and basketball: “It’s much easier when you depend on defense instead of defendants.”
• Comedy writer Torben Rolfsen, via Twitter, with a sure sign too many NHL games have been lost to COVID: “I’ve forgotten the words to ‘O Canada.’ ”
• Nick Canepa of The San Diego Union-Tribune, on Cowboys QB Troy Aikman introducing John Madden to texting in 2006: “Unclear if John ever forgave him.”
Joe Judge, fired as the NFL Giants’ coach on Tuesday, had nine boxes of pizza as well as several cases of Michelob Ultra and Coors Light delivered to his house the next day, TMZ reported.
Surprisingly, the deliveries were not fumbled or intercepted on the way to his doorstep.
• Mike Bianchi of The Orlando Sentinel, on Texas A&M AD Ross Bjork denying reports that A&M boosters contributed $25 million in NIL deals to land this year’s No. 1-ranked recruiting class in football: “I happen to believe Bjork. After all, this is the SEC, which means it was probably more like $50 million.”
• Jack Finarelli of SportsCurmudgeon.com, on why the Buccaneers-Eagles playoff game could be tighter than expected: “The Bucs will be without Chris Godwin (injury) and Antonio Brown (goofball) …”
• Bill Walton of ESPN, saying the college transfer portal should be called the Tinder portal: “The way that works is that they put their name in there and then the coaches start pushing left and right.”
• Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle, on Klay Thompson’s long-awaited return to the Warriors: “After more than 2½ years, (Steph) Curry was no longer a Splash Orphan.”
Have a seat
Connecticut’s Sacred Heart Academy suspended girls basketball coach Jason Kirck for one game for poor sportsmanship after his team routed Lyman Hall, 92-4.
You think? Sacred Heart led 29-0, 56-0 and 80-0 at the quarter marks
Quote, end quote
• Ex-Florida football coach Steve Spurrier, to the Orlando (Fla.) Sentinel, on how many nutritionists he had on staff back in his day: “We had one, and it was me. I used to go around during meals and tell the players to stop eating just meat and potatoes and go put something green on their plates. That’s how we handled nutrition back then.”
• Rich Eisen of the NFL Network, in Indianapolis’ late-season disappearing act: “In the span of two weeks, the Colts went from the team nobody wanted to see in the playoffs to a team nobody is seeing in the playoffs.”
• Janice Hough of LeftCoastSportsBabe.com: “Since the NFL is all about sponsorships, how long until we start hearing about ‘Black Monday, brought to you by LinkedIn?’ ”
• Dan Daly of @DalyOnSports, answering the question Dan Daly, answering the question of “What’s the worst drive in America of at least 3 hours or more?”: “Any of my tee shots, followed by the 3-hour search for the ball.”